I'LL BE SEEING YOU

Having napped for only about an hour or two on the living

room floor of my grandmother’s house, I awakened to an all too familiar feeling on

my face. I knew from my many past experiences what the intense, burning itching

would mean and with great trepidation and dread, I wearily dragged myself into my

grandmother’s bathroom to take a confirming look at what I had already suspected.

Without surprise, my initial diagnosis had been correct. My face had turned itself

into a gigantic, pepperoni pizza overnight.

My dilemma could only end in two ways I rationalized. Either I went

to work and let Dianna see me for what I truly looked like or I could stay home and

call in sick until my conditioned improved, with the latter sounding more logical

since Diana was going to be absent from work for a few days anyways. Having made up

my mind on the matter, I called in sick and missed work for that day.

Later that afternoon, after hours upon hours of blankly staring at my

grandmother’s kitchen clock and silently counting the deadly minutes until Diana’s

sad but imminent departure, I had come to the conclusion I never wanted to go a

single day in my life without seeing her if possible. I had already felt guilty

about calling in sick and not saying goodbye to Diana earlier in the day so against

my better judgment, I spontaneously jumped into my car and sped towards the

restaurant like a flag waving, politician headed towards a Main Street, fourth of

July parade. I even stopped along the way to visit a Hallmark store located in the

same strip mall as the restaurant to pick up a few parting gifts or shall I say,

please don’t forget me reminders for Diana. The only thing I clearly remember

buying her was an oversized balloon inscribed with the message, I’ll be missing you

or something similar to that. I also remember picking her up a few other corny

trinkets as well but I don’t remember what they were, thank goodness.

Sitting in my car in the crowded parking lot of the restaurant’s

strip mall, I sat and stared longingly at the restaurant’s front entrance area while

glancing over my acne covered face in the rearview mirror, every so often, so as to

constantly remind myself how ugly I looked. Mind you I did this from a good

distance away from the restaurant and was camouflaged by a multitude of vehicles so

the risk of someone noticing me from work was highly unlikely. I was feeling and

acting like a stalker, in a moment that what would foreshadow our future

relationship, because I hadn’t truly made up my mind on whether or not I could

handle being seen by Diana in my precarious and dangerous condition. In the end and

despite my overwhelming desire to see Diana, I never went inside the restaurant to

say goodbye to her. Instead, I gathered enough courage or foolishness depending on

how you look at it, and asked a complete stranger who had just exited a grocery

store and was headed toward her vehicle, if she could do me a humongous favor. I

asked the grandmotherly looking woman if she would deliver a gift to someone inside

the restaurant, while pointing it out to her, because I wanted it to be a surprise.

I offered to pay her for her help but she politely turned me down and told me she’d

do it for free. I was extremely fortunate and lucky that day I didn’t have to beg

and plead with a bunch of weary eyed and skeptical strangers before finding someone

who’d help me. Being the sweet and kindhearted lady she was and after thanking her

numerous times for her help, she gingerly plodded her way towards the restaurant

with my wide array of gifts in hand and disappeared into the front entrance doors

like a ghost going through a brick wall.

As I

sat nervously and anxiously in my car, waiting to see if the grandmotherly looking

woman had followed my exact instructions, I stared at the sidewalk directly in front

of the exiting doors of the restaurant, until I happily saw the elderly looking

woman walking out of it empty handed. If I could have hugged that old woman or paid

her back right then and there I would’ve gladly done it but I didn’t want to press

my luck any further than I already had. The only thing I could do for the

kindhearted, elderly woman as she slowly drove away from me was to say a little

prayer for her which I immediately did. Of course, if she had refused to help me I

would’ve been just as quick to condemn her to hell. I was only a God loving person

when something went my way, otherwise, I had more important things to do and think

about than thanking God.

Now

all that was left for me to do was fixate my attention, once again, on the exiting

doors of the restaurant and quietly wait for Diana to appear as I hunched forward in

my car seat with childlike anticipation. When I finally spotted her walking out of

the restaurant, much to my delight, she was carrying the balloon I had gotten her as

well as my other gifts into the backseat of her friend’s rusty, sardine can of a

vehicle. It never occurred to me that day as I secretly watched Diana leaving the

restaurant I might never get to see her again. I didn’t even want to think about

such a heartbreaking possibility no matter how real or destined it was to become.

She was a once in a lifetime woman and I didn’t want to lose her. I couldn’t

imagine living my life without her and even though Diana returned to the restaurant

as she promised she would, I never did get to see her again. I was too embarrassed

and ashamed of my pizza-like complexion to show myself in public yet alone of Diana

seeing me like this. Hence, I lied to my boss in order to secure some time off from

work at least until Diana had left for good. I told my boss my mother had recently

been incarcerated in the state of Texas on drug related charges and I needed to pick

up my two younger siblings. If I didn’t I said, they’d have to live in a foster

home. I was the only living relative they had I pleaded with him.

During the days following Diana’s sad and depressing departure, she

did try to call me once at my grandmother’s house when I wasn’t home. But since she

never gave me her phone number or cared to leave it with my grandmother, I had

absolutely no way of getting in touch with her. I had hoped and waited for her to

call me again but she never did. Eventually, I went back to work at the restaurant

when I knew she had left for good and within hours upon my return, I learned what

she had been doing while I was away. Apparently, an attractive, young waiter named

Alex had replaced me as her favorite coworker. Several female waitresses who had

noticed and sensed my feelings towards Diana had cautioned me to stay away from her

as they warned me of her straying eye and drug induced life. They referred to my

nights spent with her as my visits to the “ho” hotel.

Only

when someone I trusted from the restaurant warned me of the same dire things did it

start to really sink in with me. He told me Diana had been spending a lot of time

with other guys, in particular a snot nosed waiter named Alex. My informant told me

of how they went “jeeping” together after work and of a party Alex hosted at his

parent’s house. It was a party in which he himself had attended and had witnessed

first-hand, Diana drinking and using just about anything and everything she could

get her hands on. For a woman who was as petite in stature and as innocent looking

as Diana was, even my informant was surprised at how heavy and long she partied into

the warm summer night. Lastly he stated, Alex had been talking and bragging about a

camping trip Diana and him were going to take and of all the fucking and sucking

they were going to be doing once he got her inside his tent.

I

was embarrassed beyond words and hurt badly when I learned of how little I meant to

her. How could Diana have done this to me I repeatedly kept asked myself? What did

I ever do to her to make her treat me this way? For those of you who are Star Wars

fans, I guess you can say my journey towards the dark side was now under way. The

shy and relatively harmless person I had been up until then was now gone forever.

My once pleasant and laid back demeanor had now been replaced with a more angrier,

fearful, and hateful version of me. It killed me knowing Diana, as evidenced by her

actions, had used me until someone better came along, someone a lot better looking

and wealthier than me to be more specific. I should have known better I kept

telling myself over and over again, I should’ve known better. But even in the midst

of my ever growing whirlwind of anger and self pitying, there did shine one glimmer

of hope.

Diana once told me, while inside her hotel room, how she would marry

a guy if only because of his high income and nothing else. When I asked her how

much that income would have to be she replied, “Fifty thousand dollars a year.”

“That’s it!” I said, surprised by her shockingly low amount.

“Yeah,” she said, “That’s a lot of money.”

Perhaps there was a way to win

Diana’s affection after all. Maybe Diana and I weren’t as finished and caput as I

originally thought we were. In fact, maybe this was only just the beginning.

To be continued...